going under
by tatty ted
Summary: After much debating, Jean visits Kirsty in hospital. - —Jean/Kirsty, set after the episode "Fallen Angel"


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**going under**  
_maybe i'll wake up for once_

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She sits at home with a bottle of wine, remembering things that she'd thought she'd forgotten. The whole thing with Kirsty hadn't come as a surprise to Jean, she knew something like that would still exist in the stables. She sighed as she swirled the red liquid around the glass, tracing her finger absent-mindedly around the rim.

She'd been twenty-three when it had happened to her. She'd been working at the stables when one of the lads attacked her. She didn't say anything, _couldn't _say anything if she wanted a job to go back too. It was probably one of the reasons why she purchased the stables, wanting something positive to come out of an negative situation. She didn't want her stables to be like the ones she grew up in, a place where men were dominate and women had no rights.

She swallows the reminder of the liquid and places the glass on the table. She picks up her car keys and after much deliberating, she decides to drive to the hospital to see Kirsty. She doesn't know if she is partially driven by guilt, the fact her lifetime promise was broken and her stables weren't that much different from the rest.

She wonders _if_ she should be drink-driving. Okay it isn't far and she's only had two glasses of wine but she's wary because the police are still hanging around after everything that's happened. She also wonders if the stables would ever fully recovery from the publicity, maybe this was the end of the road?

When she arrives at the hospital, she asks the rather bubbly receptionist where Kirsty was and is pointed down a corridor and given a number. She loses herself down the never-ending white corridor before she comes to a door. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Jean opens the door.

Inside on the bed is Kirsty. She's awake but one of her wrists is handcuffed, the other being placed on the bed.

"Hello," she smiles and Kirsty smiles back slightly, "I didn't think you'd visit."

Jean feels a sadness inside her heart. Here she was, a murderer and yet she didn't look like one. She looked fragile, scared of everything that was going to happen. Yes she deserved to be punished for killing someone but at the same time, it seemed an accident, a tragic one at that.

"I couldn't just leave you." She steps forward towards the bed and meets eye contact with the police officer. There isn't anything spoken for a minute before she asks if they could be alone in the room. The police officer begins to look hesitant and Jean raises an eyebrow and tells him not to be stupid, she was hardly going anywhere. As the door closes, there's another silence between them.

Neither of them know what to say or how to break the silence.

Jean sits down on the blue chair beside Kirsty's bed and answers; "I wish you'd come to me Kirsty."

"I didn't know."

"How would you, I never told anyone."

"How old were you?"

Jean stares into the distance as the memories of her attack came flooding back. Blinking, removing herself from the stance she began to explain that she was twenty-three and there had been a party. Like Kirsty her drink had been spiked and she couldn't remember anything other than waking up and feeling dirty. She moves her eyes from the wall and looks at Kirsty, "I could've helped you."

"I'm sorry," now it was Kirsty's turn to pause and gather her thoughts, "What would you have done?"

She shrugs. She'd gone over the thought herself many times since she discovered _her_ lads were no better than _those_ lads she grew up with. "I don't know. Sack them, report them. I know I would've done everything to get them away from you."

She took Kirsty's hand in hers and stroked it, "I promise whatever happens, I'm going to be there for you."

"Why?" Jean paused. It was an easy question to answer. She had failed. When she took on those stables she vowed that men wouldn't be dominate and women were treated with respect and given the same equal rights. That was what she aimed for and instead she got something entirely different. She got lads who dominated, girls treated like objects and worse still, a murdered girl and another with their innocence shattered and their life in tatters.

"Because that's the least I owe you."

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**jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review:3


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